I could have mohawked her pubes.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
