someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
