discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
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