you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
