You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
