I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
