"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
