also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I cut my penus on the lid.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
