He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
