i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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