The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
