fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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