I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
