and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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