yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
