Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
