I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
