I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I want to be your penis for a week.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
