i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
