Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
