is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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