listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
