GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
