Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
