He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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