So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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