Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
