Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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