Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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