It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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