I can tuck mytits in my pants
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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