Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
