Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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