remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
