So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Hippo gnu deer
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
