I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
