Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
