what if every blade of grass was a penis?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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