Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
