i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
