can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
