Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
