but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I will pee on everything he values.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
