i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Come back. Shots need mouths.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Pooping to opera.
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