I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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