She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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