I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
