He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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