Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
