he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
