I would go down on you faster than GM stock
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
