I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
