I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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