I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
