If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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