Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
