did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
